Overwhelmed. Completely. Totally. Indescribably. Overwhelmed.
That is how I would describe my life, my heart, right now. Ben and I attended our Crossings Training through Lifeline this past weekend. While I am so thrilled to be one step further in our adoption adventure, I have never been so overwhelmed to the point of tears as I decompress and reflect on this training.
Crossings is meant for adoptive parents prior to traveling for international adoption. While the vast majority of the content was not "new" to us, my heart broke during the 2 day training. While I "knew" the effects of institutionalization on children in orphanages, this training left a lump in my throat that has been hard to shake.
We've heard all this before. The malnutrition, the neglect, the abuse, the overall trauma. Do a short Google search on orphanage institutionalization and you will know what I mean. For some reason, this training was different. Maybe it was because we are moving so much faster on our adoption adventure right now. More probable is God's hand on this and how he is preparing me, molding me, to bring home our DR kiddos.
We were told at the training about the need to prepare adoptive families "for the worst case scenario". The two social workers who led the training told us while sometimes it almost feels as though they are trying to change our minds, the truth is they want to equip families. "Yeah, yeah. Sure. OK. Let's get through this so we can bring our kids home." - I keep thinking this to myself. It's so easy to let this whole process overwhelm you as a series of hoops to jump through.
Then it hit me. Hard...
"You have been called to be your child's healer"
Dear Lord,
I am so utterly overwhelmed. Not the overwhelmed of life's daily demands. It is more than that.
I am overwhelmed at the thought of the probable trauma of my children I so long to bring home. I am overwhelmed by the brokenness that led to their eligibility to join my family through adoption. I am overwhelmed by the loss they have experienced.
I am overwhelmed that You would call me - ME! - to be their mother. Overwhelmed by how You have so clearly called Ben and I together to parent these children.
Overwhelmed by Your undeniable hand over this entire adoption adventure. Overwhelmed by the heart my daughters have for their brothers or sisters they have not yet met.
Overwhelmed by family and friends who have supported us in so many ways: in prayer, in care, in finances, in love.
Overwhelmed that You have called us to be these children's healers. Overwhelmed by the heartbreak. Overwhelmed by the beauty in Your plan for my family.
I am overwhelmed at the thought of what is to come and think I cannot possibly do this alone. And then, I am overwhelmed when I am reminded, yet again, I am not in this alone. I am overwhelmed by You.
Thank You. Thank You for humbling me, for calling me, for breaking me, for overwhelming me...
