Since beginning our adoption adventure more than two years ago, the common theme has been the waiting.
Every time we check something off the list a new wait begins. While it feels great to be making forward progress, I've come to learn it also means waiting for the next step, next meeting, next phone call, next email, next piece of paperwork, next big thing.
This week we had our last home study meeting. Hooray! We spent weeks waiting for this day to come once it was officially on the calendar and had spent months waiting for it before it was even scheduled. House cleaning kicked into full gear and while I knew we were over cleaning, it was impossible not to clean for such an important, hoped for, waited for event.
Our social worker arrived right on schedule. She started by meeting with Ben and me while the girls played downstairs with their Auntie M. We reviewed previous questions, determined the last pieces of paperwork she needed, reiterated why we wanted to adopt and then came the individual interviews.
When it was my turn, we started with general background questions. (Have you ever committed crimes "xyz"? - a formality since she already knew these answers, but needed to say she had asked). She asked me why I thought Ben is and will make a good father. And then, she asked me what the hardest part of adopting has been so far. My answer - the waiting.
Hardest, definitely - but also perhaps what has created the most spiritual growth throughout this whole adventure. Sure it would be easy to have things go smoothly and quickly. How I long to meet, hug, kiss, BE with my children who have yet to join my family.
But, without the wait my faith would not be tested and strengthened in ways I never imagined. As I look back on this adoption adventure, the best things have been worth waiting for and can only be credited to His provisions. There is no way we could have gotten where we are according to our own ways and plans.
Ben and I have been waiting to adopt since before we were married. We've always known we would adopt someday, but were waiting until "the right time." Throughout the first 7 years of our marriage we would bring up the topic of adoption from time to time, but we each waited for the other one to initiate the process.
God works in incredibly mysterious ways. Without telling the other one, God had put on each of our hearts to adopt a sibling group from the Dominican Republic. We each waited for each other, unknowingly praying for the same thing until that New Year's eve night leading into 2012. That night is now just a memory, but I still vividly play our conversation over in my head. I had told God I was willing and ready, but I was waiting for Him to reveal His plans to Ben. Ben told me that night what I had been waiting to hear and I could hardly believe we were ready together.
So, we started our adoption adventure deciding to WAIT to apply until we had found a home big enough to grow our family. The wait to find a house was actually rather short. Less than two months after deciding to adopt, we had found a house that exceeded our needs, put in an offer and had the offer accepted. Then began the wait from the bank's approval. The house was a short sale and we quickly learned there is nothing short about this process. We waited through the proposed 30 day turn-around which turned into 6-months of being told the bank was waiting to review our file. Unsure of if or when the bank would give us an answer, I can remember hearing God clearly asking me to wait on Him.
August 2012, we moved into our new home and the end of one wait turned into the beginning of another. We decided to wait to settle into our home a few months before applying to an adoption agency to begin the home study. The few months passed and circumstances had arisen in which we did not have the funds to apply. And so, we began to wait and fundraise.
God, why must I wait? Why must my children wait? His answer: Wait and see. Six more months had passed since we moved into our home and the wait was becoming unbearable. My time and attention was consumed by researching ways I could save/fundraise to bring my kiddos home. I had forgotten to wait on Him, until one evening before my Bible study with a women's group at church. The wait had caused me to feel broken and I felt as though there was nothing left to do but to cry out to God.
Cry, blubber, tremble, I did - in front of my women's group and then God used one women to speak for Him and give me indescribably peace. She repeated what I was crying - that I could not do this adoption on my own. She, however, added "what a testament it will be to Him." Ok God, I hear you. I will wait and see.
We continued to wait, but through the wait to trust. God has and will continue to be with us every step of this adoption adventure. Through the wait, He has provided to funds pay all the agency fees and the law firm fees in the Dominican. Through the wait, He has brought us through the daily grind and the insurmountable obstacles steadily making forward progress. Through the wait, He has brought me closer to Him and I will continue to wait and lift it all up to Him.
This was my answer to my social worker in response to her question what has been the hardest part so far. I mentioned earlier in this post, the best things have been worth the wait. And so, I will continue to wait for the best that is yet to come: the chance to tell my future children how much they were worth the wait and God's amazing plans to bring us together. And then, I will wait to see how God works in their lives, the lives of their two sisters, our lives - all for His glory.
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
