We've reached early December 2014. Nearly three years since that unforgettable New Year's Eve where Ben and I realized we were both being called to adopt from the Dominican Republic individually and we decided to begin our adoption adventure.
In some ways these three years have gone by in the blink of an eye and in other way's they have gone by so... incredibly... slow. Three years have past since God clearly asked Ben in a dream "How long will you make them wait?" (Them being our children who have yet to come home to our family). Three years of dreaming, praying, hoping, preparing.
Dreaming of what their sweet faces look like, what their personalities are, what our lives will be like once they join our family. Praying for God to protect them, for God to show them love while we wait for them, for them to someone know Him. Hoping for the day I get to shower them in hugs and kisses, tuck them in bed at night, kiss their boo boos. Preparing a bigger home to welcome them into, through trainings and fundraising, through conversations with our girls about our growing family.
Our adoption journey has not been easy and I know the hardest part is yet to come. Most home studies take 4-6 months, but here we are 20 months since formally applying to our local agency and we are "approved to move forward" yet still waiting for formal finalization between our local agency and our placing agency.
Some of the delay has been simple checklist items on the seemingly never ending list of requirements, but we've also endured the retirement of our original social worker, being passed on to a 2nd social worker, a 3rd social worker taking on our file to lighten social worker #2's load, social worker #3 then leaving the agency, our agency merging with another local agency and all that entails, and finally, our local agency and placing agency coordinating requirements and in some ways re-doing trainings in order to align to both agencies specific lists.
The wait in adoption is hard. We "knew" that before we began our adoption adventure and anticipated it to be hard. We did not, however, envision the wait to be hard due to internal complications within our agency. We've learned how to advocate and become the "squeaky wheel" in order to get things done - I imagine somehow this ties into God's great plan to prepare us for parenting these children we long for so dearly. Preparing us to advocate for their needs and not to settle for anything less than what they need and deserve.
The planner in me would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, to have answers to why our process has taken so long, but I don't. What I do know is that HE knows and that comforts me. Perhaps someday I will look back on our journey and see glimmers of the whys, perhaps I will not.
Today we received an updated draft of our home study for review after a series of communications to clarify misunderstandings, missing information and many other details that are lost when you transfer a home study file from one social worker to another. I sat in our living room with the Christmas tree lit as I reviewed the draft. My heart once again began dreaming, praying, hoping, preparing as it has daily since that memorable New Year's Eve three years ago. I looked around the room envisioning a future Christmas where we will add to the two stockings that currently are hung over the fire place.
My heart feels like it is being torn in every direction. On one hand I am thrilled to be so close to finalizing the home study and moving forward. On the other hand my heart breaks for my children and their experiences in their lives that occurred in order for them to be eligible to join our family through adoption. It skips a beat when Shannon or Amelia ask about our adoption journey or talk about ways to help bring them home. It is also humbled that God would choose my family to welcome these children home and our hearts.
"Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago" ~ Isaiah 25:1
