Time for a change...

Lord, thank you for your undeniable presence in this adoption journey...

This blog serves a couple of purposes.  One of which is to update friends and family on our adoption journey, but on a more personal note it also serves as a place where I can recount the ins and outs, ups and downs of our journey to look back on someday as part of the story of how two or more of my children join our family.

This past summer has been a true test of patience and trust as what has seemed like unending "limbo" mode has stalled the finalization of our home study.  It has been nearly two months since my last post and closer to 5 months since our last home study visit.  In that time countless people have asked how our adoption process is going and my heart aches every time because I know we are not where I would have planned we would be on our journey.  Yes, there have been hoops we have jumped through and things checked off the list, but 5 months from that last visit we still have yet to receive an official completed home study.  We are 16 months into the process since we officially applied to adopt and the finalized home study still feels just out of the reach of our fingertips.

And yet, God has been there in my moments of despair and has shown up in the most unexpected ways.  He has been the source of my calm.  I have no doubt Ben and I could not be on this adoption journey without our faith and trust in Him.

Since the last post near the end of June, we have received the draft of our study for our review, but we still wait on the official finalization.  Currently we are waiting on our updated background checks to come back and after that, we are told, our study will be officially finalized and that step of the journey will be done.

One would think we might be used to so much waiting, but it never gets easier.  The only comfort is trusting in His timing and His plan.  Without that I have no doubt I would have gone insane by now.  It is hard, indescribably hard, when in your heart you know you have children who are not yet home.  Children who I have yet to meet and I still love with all my heart just as I love the two girls I have the privilege of mommy-ing every day - from good morning hugs to goodnight kisses and every moment in between.  I pray for them - all my children - every day.  Pray they know they are loved, pray God uses them for His glory, pray for their safety and health.  I pray.

After a summer of little progress and continued wait, we've prayerfully decided to make a change in adoption agencies.  Our current agency will still be used to finalize the home study, and will likely be used for post-placement services as well.  However, with the loss of several staff members and merging with another agency coupled with the fact that no agency in Minnesota has a program for adoptions from the Dominican Republic, we will be (hopefully) finishing the journey to bring our kiddos home with a 2nd agency out of Alabama.   To the best of our knowledge, Lifeline Christian Services has been a part of most (if not all) adoptions to the U.S. from the Dominican Republic.

We've known about Lifeline since the beginning of our adoption journey, before we even applied to our local agency for the home study.  Involving Lifeline has been a possibility since the beginning, but we knew at a minimum we needed an Minnesota agency to complete our home study and we had hoped to only need one agency in this journey.

God has been with us in every step of the process, and He has revealed His presence at times when I've needed the encouragement most.  After a summer of a series of delays for a variety of reasons, earlier this week I began to allow the worry and frustration to get the best of me.  As a teacher, the end of summer means gearing up for a new school year and I was really hoping to have the loose ends for finalizing the home study taken care of before returning to school.  I had sent several emails to our MN agency and we still seemed to be stuck in "limbo land".

Yesterday, my worry and frustrations were peaking and I felt like I was running in circles.  Nerves were high and I began to pray.  Lord, YOU know the plans you have for me and my family - help me to have peace in this waiting.  I prayed. I cried. I prayed some more.  Then, I checked the mail.  In the mail was a letter informing us our current agency would be merging with another MN agency.  This news hit me like a punch in the gut.  My gut reaction was "more waiting".  I let Ben know the news and prayed some more.

Prayers led to a need to call my mom.  I wasn't expecting her to have any answers or fixes, but I knew she could listen with a social worker perspective to what we were dealing with.  Thanks mom, for being a listening ear and great encouragement.

By the time I hung up with my mom, I had also gotten a text from Ben giving me the go ahead to contact Lifeline.  We were both in agreement it was time to involve an agency who knows the ins and outs of the process of adopting from the Dominican Republic.  While we appreciate the help our social worker (who is now retired) gave us during our home study, we felt like God was giving us a very clear message to make a change.  It was time to call Lifeline.

The phone rang and eventually went to voice mail, so I decided to send an email rather than a long message over the phone.  I clicked "send" and within seconds got an automatic reply that they Lifeline contact was out of the country on a work related trip.  OK, God.  We will continue to wait.

Yesterday evening, as Ben and I were sharing in each other's frustrations and worries in the wait, we heard the ping of an email notification.  Turns out, it was Lifeline responding to our email from abroad.  They are excited to work with us and asked us to apply even before the home study is finalized so they can help to review it and make sure elements specific to the Dominican Republic are included.  Suddenly all the wait of this summer became clearer.  Not having a finalized home study is turning out to be a GOOD thing.  God - thank you for opening my eyes to this.

So, after a summer of waiting, this evening we've submitted our application with Lifeline.  Yes, now we wait again.  However, now we wait with encouragement and anticipation.

Lord, thank you for your undeniable presence in this adoption journey...

Trust

My last post was nearly four months ago.  The me four months ago thought we would be getting our completed, written home study very soon and we could move on to stage 2: applying to U.S. Immigration to find our family fit to adopt.  We had just finished our third and final home study meeting and all that was left was for our social worker to write the study.  We were breathing a big sigh of relief for completing all the requirements, despite life circumstances which delayed progress.  I thought to myself: now the short wait should be easy and we'll be mailing our I-800A in no time - leaving summer to get our biometric fingerprints and hopefully be sending our dossier to the DR by fall/early winter.

That was MY plan, but God had a different timeline.  Two weeks later we got a phone call while we were reading a bedtime story to the girls.  I didn't recognize the number, and was reluctant to answer and interrupt our bedtime routine.  A still, small voice told me to answer anyway and also told me not to worry about the topic of the conversation.  I answered the phone while Ben and the girls sat by my side on our couch.  It was our social worker calling to tell us she was retiring early and would not be able to finish writing our home study.  We knew she was planning on retiring at the end of May, but she had said she would have the study written before then.  Unfortunately, she had fallen and broken her arms and was retiring 6 weeks earlier - leaving us with an unfinished study, thus stuck in "limbo" while our file was transferred to a new social worker who would attempt to write the study based off of our original social workers notes.

I remember my heart sinking from this news.  I knew it would mean another delay in the adoption progress.  Then, I remembered the voice that caused me to answer the phone call and not to worry.  My worry quickly disappeared and, while it was not the news I had planned, I knew I could trust in God's timing in all of this.

As any adoptive or prospective adoptive parent knows, well-meaning people will often ask how the adoption is going.  This question, with the best of intentions, can be agonizing when no progress is being made.  As this question came up, I shared with close friends and family our situation with a new social worker (which in turn meant somewhat new requirements and more waiting).  Many told me I should be angry, others said how unfortunate that was, others expressed their disappointment.  Normally I would have been discouraged, but I knew God's plans were for good and all I could do was to trust in His timing according to His plan.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 
~Jeremiah 29:11

but those who hope in the Lord 
     will renew their strength.  
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
     they will run and not grow weary, 
     they will walk and not be faint.
~Isaiah 40:31

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and we continued to trust in God's plan for our family.  I will be the first to admit, this is easier said than done as the days pass by with no apparent progress being made.  It is hard not to give into worry and doubt, but God has had a way through every step of this adoption to show up in unexpected ways.

June rolled around and summer break had begun.  The summer break I had planned would be post home study finalization and yet we were still waiting for progress.  Just as I was beginning to worry and doubt God stepped in through a Facebook message.  It was from our Student Ministry Pastor form our church who was organizing the itinerary for two women who were coming to visit from our sister church in the Dominican Republic.  He wanted to connect them with Spanish speakers and asked if we would be willing to host them for dinner one of the nights they were here.

That FB message came shortly after I had been praying and asking for ways to make connections down in the DR before it came time to travel.  What an amazing answer to prayer it was!  We were blessed to spend the evening with two sweet women from Iglesia Central and our girls have not stopped talking about them since that evening - how they can't wait to go to the DR to see them again.   It makes my heart so glad hearing the excitement in their voices.

OK God, you never cease to amaze me with Your plan for us.  I will continue to wait on Your timing.

While we've waited these past four months we also applied for the girls' passports and have gotten them in the mail in no time at all.  We decided we may as well take care of other "loose ends" while we waited.

Just last week, we got an email from our new social worker informing us she had reviewed our file and the completion of her new requirements and was ready to move toward finalizing the home study.  The email said "you will get a draft very soon".  While I would love for very soon to be today, in the meantime we will continue to wait and trust in God's timing through this adoption adventure.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.
~Psalm 28:7

Wait for it...

Since beginning our adoption adventure more than two years ago, the common theme has been the waiting.

Every time we check something off the list a new wait begins.  While it feels great to be making forward progress, I've come to learn it also means waiting for the next step, next meeting, next phone call, next email, next piece of paperwork, next big thing.

This week we had our last home study meeting.  Hooray!  We spent weeks waiting for this day to come once it was officially on the calendar and had spent months waiting for it before it was even scheduled.  House cleaning kicked into full gear and while I knew we were over cleaning, it was impossible not to clean for such an important, hoped for, waited for event.

Our social worker arrived right on schedule.  She started by meeting with Ben and me while the girls played downstairs with their Auntie M.  We reviewed previous questions, determined the last pieces of paperwork she needed, reiterated why we wanted to adopt and then came the individual interviews.

When it was my turn, we started with general background questions. (Have you ever committed crimes "xyz"? - a formality since she already knew these answers, but needed to say she had asked).  She asked me why I thought Ben is and will make a good father.  And then, she asked me what the hardest part of adopting has been so far.  My answer - the waiting.

Hardest, definitely - but also perhaps what has created the most spiritual growth throughout this whole adventure.  Sure it would be easy to have things go smoothly and quickly.  How I long to meet, hug, kiss, BE with my children who have yet to join my family.

But, without the wait my faith would not be tested and strengthened in ways I never imagined.  As I look back on this adoption adventure, the best things have been worth waiting for and can only be credited to His provisions.  There is no way we could have gotten where we are according to our own ways and plans.

Ben and I have been waiting to adopt since before we were married.  We've always known we would adopt someday, but were waiting until "the right time."  Throughout the first 7 years of our marriage we  would bring up the topic of adoption from time to time, but we each waited for the other one to initiate the process.

God works in incredibly mysterious ways.  Without telling the other one, God had put on each of our hearts to adopt a sibling group from the Dominican Republic.  We each waited for each other, unknowingly praying for the same thing until that New Year's eve night leading into 2012.  That night is now just a memory, but I still vividly play our conversation over in my head.  I had told God I was willing and ready, but I was waiting for Him to reveal His plans to Ben.  Ben told me that night what I had been waiting to hear and I could hardly believe we were ready together.

So, we started our adoption adventure deciding to WAIT to apply until we had found a home big enough to grow our family.  The wait to find a house was actually rather short.  Less than two months after deciding to adopt, we had found a house that exceeded our needs, put in an offer and had the offer accepted.  Then began the wait from the bank's approval.  The house was a short sale and we quickly learned there is nothing short about this process.  We waited through the proposed 30 day turn-around which turned into 6-months of being told the bank was waiting to review our file.  Unsure of if or when the bank would give us an answer, I can remember hearing God clearly asking me to wait on Him.

August 2012, we moved into our new home and the end of one wait turned into the beginning of another.  We decided to wait to settle into our home a few months before applying to an adoption agency to begin the home study.  The few months passed and circumstances had arisen in which we did not have the funds to apply.  And so, we began to wait and fundraise.

God, why must I wait?  Why must my children wait?  His answer: Wait and see.  Six more months had passed since we moved into our home and the wait was becoming unbearable.  My time and attention was consumed by researching ways I could save/fundraise to bring my kiddos home.  I had forgotten to wait on Him, until one evening before my Bible study with a women's group at church.  The wait had caused me to feel broken and I felt as though there was nothing left to do but to cry out to God.

Cry, blubber, tremble, I did - in front of my women's group and then God used one women to speak for Him and give me indescribably peace.  She repeated what I was crying - that I could not do this adoption on my own.  She, however, added "what a testament it will be to Him."  Ok God, I hear you. I will wait and see.

We continued to wait, but through the wait to trust.  God has and will continue to be with us every step of this adoption adventure.  Through the wait, He has provided to funds pay all the agency fees and the law firm fees in the Dominican. Through the wait, He has brought us through the daily grind and the insurmountable obstacles steadily making forward progress.  Through the wait, He has brought me closer to Him and I will continue to wait and lift it all up to Him.

This was my answer to my social worker in response to her question what has been the hardest part so far.  I mentioned earlier in this post, the best things have been worth the wait.  And so, I will continue to wait for the best that is yet to come: the chance to tell my future children how much they were worth the wait and God's amazing plans to bring us together.  And then, I will wait to see how God works in their lives, the lives of their two sisters, our lives - all for His glory.

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

Ready

I am thrilled to be writing that in less than a week we have our third (and final) home study date.  This time our social worker will be coming to our house and be meeting our girls.  We've made it through a rough winter on many levels and it is wonderful to be moving forward again towards bringing the rest of our family home.

I titled this post "Ready" for many reasons.  We are ready for what God has in store for our family on this adoption adventure.  We are ready for new beginnings and forward progress.  We are ready to fully trust Him and His plan.

When I wrote that we've made it through a rough winter I did not merely mean the record cold and heavy snow we've seen here in MN this winter.  Yes, we survived "Polar Vortex 3.0" and many school closures for "cold" days (days where the high was -20).  Honestly, the weather was minimal in the grand scheme of things.

As a family we survived a grueling winter of uncertainty, anxiety, tests of patience and faith, and trial after trial.  While I will not list it all, I do want to use this blog as an opportunity to document our adoption journey in the highs and the lows.

Had this winter gone according to my plans, we would have had this third home study meeting back in December over my winter break rather than waiting until March - now during my Spring break.  God is continuing to teach me not to rely on my own timing and this winter was no exception.

The Friday before Christmas, Ben picked Shannon up from her last day at her old school.  It was planned to be a fun family evening out to celebrate Shannon getting into mommy's school which she would be starting in January after winter break.  Unfortunately, in an instant those plans were changed - as was our home study timeline.

While driving home, Ben and Shannon were forced off of the road by another driver in a SUV.  I am incredibly thankful for Ben's skillful driving which allowed him to avoid falling into the ditch.  God undoubtedly sent His angels to protect Ben and Shannon during the accident because only by a miracle did Ben avoid hitting additional cars as his car spun across 3 lanes of highway traffic twice before coming to a stop in the opposite direction of traffic.  Both cars were totaled, but all lives were spared with no major injuries.  Praise God for that!

I wish I could say everyone walked away okay and that was that, but this car "accident" was the start of a 3 month ordeal in which the adoption and Ben's record was on the line.  The trooper who responded to the scene knew immediately this was a result of road rage, but decided to cite both drivers and "let the courts sort it out" since she had not witnessed the crash.  The citation: careless driving with endangering life and property - a misdemeanor.  And so began our winter to remember, which we may rather soon forget.  But, through it all God was there.

We knew immediately this citation could significantly hinder the adoption process and that Ben had not done anything wrong to be cited.  In January, he plead not-guilty trusting that God was with us in this adoption and we needed to clear Ben from the citation.  The decision to plead not-guilty meant going to trial and the possibility of the prosecutor deciding to up the charges.

Tensions were high and our patience was tested.  However, we both knew God had called us to adopt and He has been with us through the whole process.  We had to trust whole-heartedly that this too would pass.  It was excruciatingly painful to know the home study was "on hold" further delaying the day we can hug our future children.  As painful as it was, I grew closer to Him.  In my most painful nights, all I could do was cry out to Him and trust He was in all of this.

Nine days less than three months after the crash, Ben headed to court for pre-trial ready to file a motion for dismissal and potentially hire a lawyer.  God showed up again.  Before Ben even had a chance to argue for dismissal, the prosecutor told Ben he had seen the traffic footage Ben shared with him and knew Ben had done nothing wrong.  The prosecutor asked Ben how he felt about dismissing the charges and for Ben to testify in the trial against the other driver.  The case was dismissed!!  Praise God!!!

We immediately notified our social worker the case was dismissed and 24 hours later we had our third home study meeting on the calendar.  We are ready.  Ready for this adoption, ready to see what God has in our future, ready to trust in Him.  Ready.

²⁸ Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

Thankfulness

Today we had our second of three home study meetings with our social worker.  This meeting: going over the autobiography questionnaire we had filled out.  It was a chance to share about our lives, how we were raised, our views on parenting, etc.  I am excited to be one step closer in our adoption adventure and am thankful for having a good relationship with our social worker.

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I thought I'd take the time to list a few more things I am thankful for in this adoption adventure.
1. First and foremost, I am thankful for God's presence every step of the way.  From God putting adoption on our hearts, to providing for our financial needs, and everything in between, God has had a very real presence and provided us with a sense of peace.
2. I am also thankful for the gift of fellowship with our church small group specifically for adoptive or adopting families.  It is a great way to be able to share in the highs and lows of the adoption adventure with people who really understand all things adoption.
3. I am delighted and thankful for the sweet and curious hearts of our two girls already in our home.  Shannon and Amelia talk about the adoption daily and I love hearing them talk/ask questions about their future siblings.
4. And finally, I am thankful to be on this adoption adventure with my best friend and father of my children (current and future).  I could not imagine tackling this adventure on my own.

Blessed Beyond Measure

Two and a half weeks ago we were at 45% of our $30,000 goal to cover the fees portion of our adoption expenses.  Today, I am overjoyed to say we are beyond 100% funded!!!  This truly can only be explained as a God thing.

In my last post, I was secretly hoping and praying we would reach our goal of $30,000 by the end of 2013. I am truly in awe of the way God has met us throughout this adoption adventure.

After wrapping up 3 days of a massive garage sale I can honestly say I am completely and utterly exhausted BUT am grateful for the experience as well.  This garage sale allowed Ben and me the opportunity to get to know our neighborhood, minister to others and spend three solid days together.  Having never done a garage sale before in my life I really did not know what I was getting into, but there are so many stories to tell now.

We spent months collecting and organizing donations for the garage sale.  Our house was filled to the brim and so much of it sold in the past three days.  God took other people's extra clutter and turned it into ways to not only bless us, but bless many of our customers as well.  With what remains we are hoping to keep much of the kid items to give to the orphanage we adopt from and give the remaining items to a local charity. 

Despite the monetary blessing, there were so many other awesome experiences in it as well.  Having only moved into our neighborhood less than a year ago this sale allowed us to get to know many of our neighbors, hear their stories and share ours as well.  We had many people ask the who, what, where, and why of our adoption story and we used that as a way to be witnesses and minister to those who stopped by our sale.

Some of the people we met specifically came to our sale because they knew it was an adoption fundraiser.  Many of these people either were also adopting, had been adopted, had adopted family members, or were involved in adoption some way or another.  It is amazing what a community the adoption community is :)

We also had many complete strangers stop by and give us a financial gift without buying anything at all.  Even more people we had never met before told us they were praying for us and wished us well in our journey.  God is truly in control of all of this.

Another unexpected element of the garage sale was how helpful it was that I speak Spanish.  Early in our first day I began speaking with some families in Spanish and they were pretty surprised by that, but really opened up to me and we had some great conversations.  By the afternoon of the first day we started getting people who would walk up to me and ask "¿Habla español?" (Do you speak Spanish?) as if the word had gotten out that I speak Spanish.  It was fun for me to use my Spanish and be able to have genuine conversations with many of these families.  I even had one family who asked for the number to Shannon's Spanish Immersion school because they also wanted their son to solidify his Spanish.

Overall, our interactions with people who stopped by the sale was positive.  The only truly negative interaction we had was with a man who was not happy we were adopting internationally, but I let him know I thought all kinds of adoption were important and God calls different people to each kind of adoption. 

I was also somewhat surprised by the amount of people who could not quite understand we weren't planning on adopting babies, and even some who assumed we were adopting animals.  We had many people ask us why we would sell so many baby items if we were adopting, and then we explained our kiddos would probably not be babies.  I learned to respond with "We've been blessed with the baby experience twice, now it is time to give kids who are a little older a chance to stay together as a sibling group." and "God has told us where our kids are and we know He will make a way to bring them home."

In addition to the garage sale fundraiser we've also been blessed by several large monetary gifts from friends and family allowing us to surpass our adoption fees goal and begin to save towards our living expenses while we go down to the Dominican Republic.

So, tonight I am thanking God for everyone He allowed to be a part of this.  Everyone who gave (money, donations, supplies, time), everyone who prayed, everyone who shopped, everyone who spread the word, everyone who helped with the girls - God allowed each and everyone of you to bless us and we are awestruck by it all. 

We are truly blessed beyond measure.
"Every good and perfect gift comes from above" James 1:17a

Preparing

July has been the month of preparations.  From training, to our first home study meeting, to final touches in preparation for our fundraiser garage sale - much of our time an energy has been adoption focused.  I am thrilled to be making progress towards bringing our kiddos home and cannot wait for the day I get to hold them in my arms and introduce them to our girls.

We've had lots of adoption related conversations at home and I love hearing my girls' curiosity and excitement about the idea of new brothers or sisters.  We've even been blessed with many adoption related conversations outside of the home - particularly from those who know about our upcoming garage sale.

Some of the re-occurring themes from friends, family and even strangers have been why and how much.  One of the unexpected blessings in this adoption adventure is how it has allowed me to talk openly about my faith.  So often we are asked why we would choose to adopt from the DR and that allows me to answer with "that is where God has told us our kids are."  Let's just say this makes room for some great conversations.  But, in all reality, this is why we are adopting from the DR.  I firmly believe God will help us every step of the way and He will provide the resources (monetary, emotional, time, wisdom, peace, etc.)

In regards to the "How much?" part of this adventure it is hard to put a firm number on it all... There are lots of minor incidentals (fingerprints, background checks, postage, etc) and we can't fully estimate the cost of living in the DR since we are not sure just how long we will be there (at least 60 days for all of us, closer to 6-9 months for me until everything is finalized).  HOWEVER, I do know the cost of the actual adoption, both U.S. end and DR end.  Our agency here in the U.S. will cost around $10,500 and the law firm in the DR has a set fee of $6,500 per child ($13,000 if we adopt two children, $19,500 if we adopt 3).  So... that puts us at a total of $30,000 for agency/law firm expenses if we adopt three children into our family.  (The planner in me would rather have the amount for 3 children even if we only end up adopting 2 kiddos and any extra money can be put towards our living expenses while we are there/loss of our salaries.)

With the garage sale coming up in just over two weeks I have been praying over it quite a bit, advertising for it (http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/dak/gms/3940280926.html) and wondering what the outcome will be.  I honestly do not have an expected amount we will raise.  I am praying that God will use the overwhelming blessing of the amount of items that have been donated for our sale and bring the right customers our way.  I am trusting in His provision and continue to be amazed by his presence in this whole adoption adventure so far.

While I do not know how much the sale will bring our way, I do now have a total goal ($30,000) for the adoption expenses and the amount we have so far ($13,500).  I was blown away when I realized we have already met 45% of our goal!!! Praise the LORD!