Today we mailed in (what we think to be) the final piece of our Dossier. This, along with the other documents we mailed in two weeks ago will now be apostilled and translated and then sent to the DR.
Today is exactly 2 years, 5 days from our "official" start to this adoption journey when we first sent our request for services to our home study agency. Today also marks 3 years, 4 months and 6 days since that New Year's Eve conversation which started us on this journey.
We've moved to a bigger house, treaded through countless ups and downs of a home study that seemed to go on forever (but really only 20 months), been blessed beyond measure with financial gifts which cover the agency fees of the adoption, applied for services to our placing agency, attended training after training after training, dotted our Is and crossed our Ts on all the documents of our Dossier, gained friends in the adoptive community and in the DR we consider more like family, and encountered opportunities to share our story and, in turn our faith, in ways we never expected.
As we understand it, we've now completed everything we need to complete before we wait to be matched. Now begins THE WAIT. It is a weird feeling to have made it to this point. Ben and I were talking about having made it this far. We almost feel apprehensive. While the paperwork is no walk in the park, at least it was something in our control. The ball was in our court, so to speak. Now, though, we sit and wait. Dream and hope. Pray and trust.
As I returned home from mailing off that final piece, I couldn't help but feel like there is something more I should be doing to help move the process along. Then, once I had decided I really, truly just had to wait I searched my Bible for the word "trust" and landed on Psalm 37 where I found these few verses that went straight to my heart:
Psalm 37
3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
...
7 Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him
Hoping, Praying, Waiting for you
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
One minute, forty-one seconds
One minute, forty-one
seconds - that was the duration of the phone call from my husband one Saturday
afternoon. The phone call that sent us
into fast-forward mode, the phone call that brought news I've reflected back on
for the past month now.
Let me back up a
bit. This phone call was completely
unexpected on this particular Saturday afternoon. I was at a birthday party for my daughters'
friend who was turning five. Ben stayed
home to knock off elements on the honey-do list while I went to the party with
the girls.
Forty-five minutes or
so into the party, my phone rings. I look
at the screen - it's Ben. Hmmm, I think to myself - curious as to
why he'd be calling.
"You got a letter from Homeland Security,"
he says after I answer.
Instantly, my heart
began to beat deafeningly inside my head.
My mind began a frenzy of thoughts:
What! It's only been a mere week and a half
since we went down to USCIS for our biometric fingerprinting. Our agency told
us it would normally be two to four months wait for our background check to
come back. There must have been a
problem. What could have gone wrong?
I could not help but
mentally prepare for the worst. This must be the end. More than three years of preparation would
all come to a halt if we were not approved.
"Do you want me to open it?" I hear
Ben say from the other end. I am brought
back down from my frenzy.
Of course I wanted him
to open it. There was just no way I
could wait another hour and a half before I returned home to open it
myself. I needed to know what the news
was in that very moment. What was likely
mere seconds had already felt like a week in my worries.
I could hear the
rustling of the envelope as he broke the seal. The whisper of the paper sliding
out of the envelope as my mind kept playing various scenarios over in my
head. Tears were on the verge of
emerging. I was on the edge of losing it
at a five year old's birthday party.
"We're approved for up to 3 children,"
Ben declared remarkably calmly in comparison to the mental state I had worried
myself into.
I could feel a major
adrenaline dump as I began to wonder at how I had possibly doubted the
approval. God has shown his own
fingerprints in each and every step of this adoption adventure. Why would I have allowed myself to worry in
such a way that made that one minute, forty-one second phone call feel longer
than the forty-five minutes of the birthday party prior to my phone ringing?
One of the things I
have learned over and over again on this adoption adventure is that nothing -
and I do mean nothing - goes according to the "normal" timeline. After a grueling home study process which
resulted in twenty months of back and forth rather than the
"normal" four to six months, I guess I was taken aback by the speed and
ease in which the approval had come. This
time there were no hiccups, no clarifications, no missing pieces.
Ben's voice echoed in
my head as the waterworks sprung from my eyes.
However, this time they were tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of
thankfulness, tears of hope. The timing
of this approval was nothing short of a miracle.
Yep, I lost it at a
five year old's birthday party. I did
not care. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Having had the privilege to witness many of
our friends go through their own adoption journeys, this was finally forward
progress for my family's adoption adventure.
Those children we were approved
for would become our children.
We're approved
for up to 3 children. APPROVED. We're approved.
***This phone call occurred one month ago, yesterday. Tomorrow, we mail in all but two of our Dossier documents to our placing agency to be translated, apostilled and sent to the Dominican Republic.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed. Completely. Totally. Indescribably. Overwhelmed.
That is how I would describe my life, my heart, right now. Ben and I attended our Crossings Training through Lifeline this past weekend. While I am so thrilled to be one step further in our adoption adventure, I have never been so overwhelmed to the point of tears as I decompress and reflect on this training.
Crossings is meant for adoptive parents prior to traveling for international adoption. While the vast majority of the content was not "new" to us, my heart broke during the 2 day training. While I "knew" the effects of institutionalization on children in orphanages, this training left a lump in my throat that has been hard to shake.
We've heard all this before. The malnutrition, the neglect, the abuse, the overall trauma. Do a short Google search on orphanage institutionalization and you will know what I mean. For some reason, this training was different. Maybe it was because we are moving so much faster on our adoption adventure right now. More probable is God's hand on this and how he is preparing me, molding me, to bring home our DR kiddos.
We were told at the training about the need to prepare adoptive families "for the worst case scenario". The two social workers who led the training told us while sometimes it almost feels as though they are trying to change our minds, the truth is they want to equip families. "Yeah, yeah. Sure. OK. Let's get through this so we can bring our kids home." - I keep thinking this to myself. It's so easy to let this whole process overwhelm you as a series of hoops to jump through.
Then it hit me. Hard...
"You have been called to be your child's healer"
Dear Lord,
I am so utterly overwhelmed. Not the overwhelmed of life's daily demands. It is more than that.
I am overwhelmed at the thought of the probable trauma of my children I so long to bring home. I am overwhelmed by the brokenness that led to their eligibility to join my family through adoption. I am overwhelmed by the loss they have experienced.
I am overwhelmed that You would call me - ME! - to be their mother. Overwhelmed by how You have so clearly called Ben and I together to parent these children.
Overwhelmed by Your undeniable hand over this entire adoption adventure. Overwhelmed by the heart my daughters have for their brothers or sisters they have not yet met.
Overwhelmed by family and friends who have supported us in so many ways: in prayer, in care, in finances, in love.
Overwhelmed that You have called us to be these children's healers. Overwhelmed by the heartbreak. Overwhelmed by the beauty in Your plan for my family.
I am overwhelmed at the thought of what is to come and think I cannot possibly do this alone. And then, I am overwhelmed when I am reminded, yet again, I am not in this alone. I am overwhelmed by You.
Thank You. Thank You for humbling me, for calling me, for breaking me, for overwhelming me...
That is how I would describe my life, my heart, right now. Ben and I attended our Crossings Training through Lifeline this past weekend. While I am so thrilled to be one step further in our adoption adventure, I have never been so overwhelmed to the point of tears as I decompress and reflect on this training.
Crossings is meant for adoptive parents prior to traveling for international adoption. While the vast majority of the content was not "new" to us, my heart broke during the 2 day training. While I "knew" the effects of institutionalization on children in orphanages, this training left a lump in my throat that has been hard to shake.
We've heard all this before. The malnutrition, the neglect, the abuse, the overall trauma. Do a short Google search on orphanage institutionalization and you will know what I mean. For some reason, this training was different. Maybe it was because we are moving so much faster on our adoption adventure right now. More probable is God's hand on this and how he is preparing me, molding me, to bring home our DR kiddos.
We were told at the training about the need to prepare adoptive families "for the worst case scenario". The two social workers who led the training told us while sometimes it almost feels as though they are trying to change our minds, the truth is they want to equip families. "Yeah, yeah. Sure. OK. Let's get through this so we can bring our kids home." - I keep thinking this to myself. It's so easy to let this whole process overwhelm you as a series of hoops to jump through.
Then it hit me. Hard...
"You have been called to be your child's healer"
Dear Lord,
I am so utterly overwhelmed. Not the overwhelmed of life's daily demands. It is more than that.
I am overwhelmed at the thought of the probable trauma of my children I so long to bring home. I am overwhelmed by the brokenness that led to their eligibility to join my family through adoption. I am overwhelmed by the loss they have experienced.
I am overwhelmed that You would call me - ME! - to be their mother. Overwhelmed by how You have so clearly called Ben and I together to parent these children.
Overwhelmed by Your undeniable hand over this entire adoption adventure. Overwhelmed by the heart my daughters have for their brothers or sisters they have not yet met.
Overwhelmed by family and friends who have supported us in so many ways: in prayer, in care, in finances, in love.
Overwhelmed that You have called us to be these children's healers. Overwhelmed by the heartbreak. Overwhelmed by the beauty in Your plan for my family.
I am overwhelmed at the thought of what is to come and think I cannot possibly do this alone. And then, I am overwhelmed when I am reminded, yet again, I am not in this alone. I am overwhelmed by You.
Thank You. Thank You for humbling me, for calling me, for breaking me, for overwhelming me...
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Plans, trust and hope
In the last post, we were so close to finalizing the home study, but were still in the wait. I am thrilled to say we received our official, finalized home study on December 26th and we have entered a new stage(s) in our journey!
Three weeks have gone by since we rejoiced at finding that manila envelope in the mail containing our copies of the home study. We were able to breathe a sigh of relief and start preparing for the next step. My natural need to prepare kicked into full gear and I began to tackle the next steps.
Sometimes in the adoption journey it feels like a never ending series of "next steps". I've heard other adoptive families use the term "paper pregnant" and can truly relate to that sentiment right now. As soon as one document is signed, another one is waiting. One training completed and another one in the works. It is far too easy to get caught up in the checklist and lose sight of the big picture.
This morning I was sitting in our adoption small group at church and reflecting on how our group has changed since it began. Families have brought children home, new families have joined, adoptions have been finalized and much more. It has been a privilege to see how God is working in these families.
Then it hit me. My own family is building momentum in our process. What has long seemed like a far off future time now may be THIS year. God has brought us through the home study phase and we are feeling very grateful to be moving forward.
We've sent in our application to U.S. immigration and are preparing the required documents for our dossier. In essence, we are in two stages at once. We are in the two stages before the wait to be matched. If things go quickly, there is the potential to be meeting our children in as little as 6 months. Then again, it could be more than 4 years out.
To say we are on an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. On one hand I want to believe this is OUR year we grow our family (as so many of our loved ones have said they are hoping for us). On the other hand I know we may still have a very long road ahead of us before I can hug my children my heart longs for so earnestly.
Being on this roller coaster ride can make it difficult to plan for what lies ahead. Regardless, God has been present through it all and I am thankful I can trust in His plan for my family. He gives me hope through it all.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. ~Psalm 31:24
Three weeks have gone by since we rejoiced at finding that manila envelope in the mail containing our copies of the home study. We were able to breathe a sigh of relief and start preparing for the next step. My natural need to prepare kicked into full gear and I began to tackle the next steps.
Sometimes in the adoption journey it feels like a never ending series of "next steps". I've heard other adoptive families use the term "paper pregnant" and can truly relate to that sentiment right now. As soon as one document is signed, another one is waiting. One training completed and another one in the works. It is far too easy to get caught up in the checklist and lose sight of the big picture.
This morning I was sitting in our adoption small group at church and reflecting on how our group has changed since it began. Families have brought children home, new families have joined, adoptions have been finalized and much more. It has been a privilege to see how God is working in these families.
Then it hit me. My own family is building momentum in our process. What has long seemed like a far off future time now may be THIS year. God has brought us through the home study phase and we are feeling very grateful to be moving forward.
We've sent in our application to U.S. immigration and are preparing the required documents for our dossier. In essence, we are in two stages at once. We are in the two stages before the wait to be matched. If things go quickly, there is the potential to be meeting our children in as little as 6 months. Then again, it could be more than 4 years out.
To say we are on an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. On one hand I want to believe this is OUR year we grow our family (as so many of our loved ones have said they are hoping for us). On the other hand I know we may still have a very long road ahead of us before I can hug my children my heart longs for so earnestly.
Being on this roller coaster ride can make it difficult to plan for what lies ahead. Regardless, God has been present through it all and I am thankful I can trust in His plan for my family. He gives me hope through it all.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. ~Psalm 31:24
Friday, December 5, 2014
Things planned long ago
We've reached early December 2014. Nearly three years since that unforgettable New Year's Eve where Ben and I realized we were both being called to adopt from the Dominican Republic individually and we decided to begin our adoption adventure.
In some ways these three years have gone by in the blink of an eye and in other way's they have gone by so... incredibly... slow. Three years have past since God clearly asked Ben in a dream "How long will you make them wait?" (Them being our children who have yet to come home to our family). Three years of dreaming, praying, hoping, preparing.
Dreaming of what their sweet faces look like, what their personalities are, what our lives will be like once they join our family. Praying for God to protect them, for God to show them love while we wait for them, for them to someone know Him. Hoping for the day I get to shower them in hugs and kisses, tuck them in bed at night, kiss their boo boos. Preparing a bigger home to welcome them into, through trainings and fundraising, through conversations with our girls about our growing family.
Our adoption journey has not been easy and I know the hardest part is yet to come. Most home studies take 4-6 months, but here we are 20 months since formally applying to our local agency and we are "approved to move forward" yet still waiting for formal finalization between our local agency and our placing agency.
Some of the delay has been simple checklist items on the seemingly never ending list of requirements, but we've also endured the retirement of our original social worker, being passed on to a 2nd social worker, a 3rd social worker taking on our file to lighten social worker #2's load, social worker #3 then leaving the agency, our agency merging with another local agency and all that entails, and finally, our local agency and placing agency coordinating requirements and in some ways re-doing trainings in order to align to both agencies specific lists.
The wait in adoption is hard. We "knew" that before we began our adoption adventure and anticipated it to be hard. We did not, however, envision the wait to be hard due to internal complications within our agency. We've learned how to advocate and become the "squeaky wheel" in order to get things done - I imagine somehow this ties into God's great plan to prepare us for parenting these children we long for so dearly. Preparing us to advocate for their needs and not to settle for anything less than what they need and deserve.
The planner in me would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, to have answers to why our process has taken so long, but I don't. What I do know is that HE knows and that comforts me. Perhaps someday I will look back on our journey and see glimmers of the whys, perhaps I will not.
Today we received an updated draft of our home study for review after a series of communications to clarify misunderstandings, missing information and many other details that are lost when you transfer a home study file from one social worker to another. I sat in our living room with the Christmas tree lit as I reviewed the draft. My heart once again began dreaming, praying, hoping, preparing as it has daily since that memorable New Year's Eve three years ago. I looked around the room envisioning a future Christmas where we will add to the two stockings that currently are hung over the fire place.
My heart feels like it is being torn in every direction. On one hand I am thrilled to be so close to finalizing the home study and moving forward. On the other hand my heart breaks for my children and their experiences in their lives that occurred in order for them to be eligible to join our family through adoption. It skips a beat when Shannon or Amelia ask about our adoption journey or talk about ways to help bring them home. It is also humbled that God would choose my family to welcome these children home and our hearts.
"Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago" ~ Isaiah 25:1
In some ways these three years have gone by in the blink of an eye and in other way's they have gone by so... incredibly... slow. Three years have past since God clearly asked Ben in a dream "How long will you make them wait?" (Them being our children who have yet to come home to our family). Three years of dreaming, praying, hoping, preparing.
Dreaming of what their sweet faces look like, what their personalities are, what our lives will be like once they join our family. Praying for God to protect them, for God to show them love while we wait for them, for them to someone know Him. Hoping for the day I get to shower them in hugs and kisses, tuck them in bed at night, kiss their boo boos. Preparing a bigger home to welcome them into, through trainings and fundraising, through conversations with our girls about our growing family.
Our adoption journey has not been easy and I know the hardest part is yet to come. Most home studies take 4-6 months, but here we are 20 months since formally applying to our local agency and we are "approved to move forward" yet still waiting for formal finalization between our local agency and our placing agency.
Some of the delay has been simple checklist items on the seemingly never ending list of requirements, but we've also endured the retirement of our original social worker, being passed on to a 2nd social worker, a 3rd social worker taking on our file to lighten social worker #2's load, social worker #3 then leaving the agency, our agency merging with another local agency and all that entails, and finally, our local agency and placing agency coordinating requirements and in some ways re-doing trainings in order to align to both agencies specific lists.
The wait in adoption is hard. We "knew" that before we began our adoption adventure and anticipated it to be hard. We did not, however, envision the wait to be hard due to internal complications within our agency. We've learned how to advocate and become the "squeaky wheel" in order to get things done - I imagine somehow this ties into God's great plan to prepare us for parenting these children we long for so dearly. Preparing us to advocate for their needs and not to settle for anything less than what they need and deserve.
The planner in me would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, to have answers to why our process has taken so long, but I don't. What I do know is that HE knows and that comforts me. Perhaps someday I will look back on our journey and see glimmers of the whys, perhaps I will not.
Today we received an updated draft of our home study for review after a series of communications to clarify misunderstandings, missing information and many other details that are lost when you transfer a home study file from one social worker to another. I sat in our living room with the Christmas tree lit as I reviewed the draft. My heart once again began dreaming, praying, hoping, preparing as it has daily since that memorable New Year's Eve three years ago. I looked around the room envisioning a future Christmas where we will add to the two stockings that currently are hung over the fire place.
My heart feels like it is being torn in every direction. On one hand I am thrilled to be so close to finalizing the home study and moving forward. On the other hand my heart breaks for my children and their experiences in their lives that occurred in order for them to be eligible to join our family through adoption. It skips a beat when Shannon or Amelia ask about our adoption journey or talk about ways to help bring them home. It is also humbled that God would choose my family to welcome these children home and our hearts.
"Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago" ~ Isaiah 25:1
Friday, August 22, 2014
Time for a change...
Lord, thank you for your undeniable presence in this adoption journey...
This blog serves a couple of purposes. One of which is to update friends and family on our adoption journey, but on a more personal note it also serves as a place where I can recount the ins and outs, ups and downs of our journey to look back on someday as part of the story of how two or more of my children join our family.
This past summer has been a true test of patience and trust as what has seemed like unending "limbo" mode has stalled the finalization of our home study. It has been nearly two months since my last post and closer to 5 months since our last home study visit. In that time countless people have asked how our adoption process is going and my heart aches every time because I know we are not where I would have planned we would be on our journey. Yes, there have been hoops we have jumped through and things checked off the list, but 5 months from that last visit we still have yet to receive an official completed home study. We are 16 months into the process since we officially applied to adopt and the finalized home study still feels just out of the reach of our fingertips.
And yet, God has been there in my moments of despair and has shown up in the most unexpected ways. He has been the source of my calm. I have no doubt Ben and I could not be on this adoption journey without our faith and trust in Him.
Since the last post near the end of June, we have received the draft of our study for our review, but we still wait on the official finalization. Currently we are waiting on our updated background checks to come back and after that, we are told, our study will be officially finalized and that step of the journey will be done.
One would think we might be used to so much waiting, but it never gets easier. The only comfort is trusting in His timing and His plan. Without that I have no doubt I would have gone insane by now. It is hard, indescribably hard, when in your heart you know you have children who are not yet home. Children who I have yet to meet and I still love with all my heart just as I love the two girls I have the privilege of mommy-ing every day - from good morning hugs to goodnight kisses and every moment in between. I pray for them - all my children - every day. Pray they know they are loved, pray God uses them for His glory, pray for their safety and health. I pray.
After a summer of little progress and continued wait, we've prayerfully decided to make a change in adoption agencies. Our current agency will still be used to finalize the home study, and will likely be used for post-placement services as well. However, with the loss of several staff members and merging with another agency coupled with the fact that no agency in Minnesota has a program for adoptions from the Dominican Republic, we will be (hopefully) finishing the journey to bring our kiddos home with a 2nd agency out of Alabama. To the best of our knowledge, Lifeline Christian Services has been a part of most (if not all) adoptions to the U.S. from the Dominican Republic.
We've known about Lifeline since the beginning of our adoption journey, before we even applied to our local agency for the home study. Involving Lifeline has been a possibility since the beginning, but we knew at a minimum we needed an Minnesota agency to complete our home study and we had hoped to only need one agency in this journey.
God has been with us in every step of the process, and He has revealed His presence at times when I've needed the encouragement most. After a summer of a series of delays for a variety of reasons, earlier this week I began to allow the worry and frustration to get the best of me. As a teacher, the end of summer means gearing up for a new school year and I was really hoping to have the loose ends for finalizing the home study taken care of before returning to school. I had sent several emails to our MN agency and we still seemed to be stuck in "limbo land".
Yesterday, my worry and frustrations were peaking and I felt like I was running in circles. Nerves were high and I began to pray. Lord, YOU know the plans you have for me and my family - help me to have peace in this waiting. I prayed. I cried. I prayed some more. Then, I checked the mail. In the mail was a letter informing us our current agency would be merging with another MN agency. This news hit me like a punch in the gut. My gut reaction was "more waiting". I let Ben know the news and prayed some more.
Prayers led to a need to call my mom. I wasn't expecting her to have any answers or fixes, but I knew she could listen with a social worker perspective to what we were dealing with. Thanks mom, for being a listening ear and great encouragement.
By the time I hung up with my mom, I had also gotten a text from Ben giving me the go ahead to contact Lifeline. We were both in agreement it was time to involve an agency who knows the ins and outs of the process of adopting from the Dominican Republic. While we appreciate the help our social worker (who is now retired) gave us during our home study, we felt like God was giving us a very clear message to make a change. It was time to call Lifeline.
The phone rang and eventually went to voice mail, so I decided to send an email rather than a long message over the phone. I clicked "send" and within seconds got an automatic reply that they Lifeline contact was out of the country on a work related trip. OK, God. We will continue to wait.
Yesterday evening, as Ben and I were sharing in each other's frustrations and worries in the wait, we heard the ping of an email notification. Turns out, it was Lifeline responding to our email from abroad. They are excited to work with us and asked us to apply even before the home study is finalized so they can help to review it and make sure elements specific to the Dominican Republic are included. Suddenly all the wait of this summer became clearer. Not having a finalized home study is turning out to be a GOOD thing. God - thank you for opening my eyes to this.
So, after a summer of waiting, this evening we've submitted our application with Lifeline. Yes, now we wait again. However, now we wait with encouragement and anticipation.
Lord, thank you for your undeniable presence in this adoption journey...
This blog serves a couple of purposes. One of which is to update friends and family on our adoption journey, but on a more personal note it also serves as a place where I can recount the ins and outs, ups and downs of our journey to look back on someday as part of the story of how two or more of my children join our family.
This past summer has been a true test of patience and trust as what has seemed like unending "limbo" mode has stalled the finalization of our home study. It has been nearly two months since my last post and closer to 5 months since our last home study visit. In that time countless people have asked how our adoption process is going and my heart aches every time because I know we are not where I would have planned we would be on our journey. Yes, there have been hoops we have jumped through and things checked off the list, but 5 months from that last visit we still have yet to receive an official completed home study. We are 16 months into the process since we officially applied to adopt and the finalized home study still feels just out of the reach of our fingertips.
And yet, God has been there in my moments of despair and has shown up in the most unexpected ways. He has been the source of my calm. I have no doubt Ben and I could not be on this adoption journey without our faith and trust in Him.
Since the last post near the end of June, we have received the draft of our study for our review, but we still wait on the official finalization. Currently we are waiting on our updated background checks to come back and after that, we are told, our study will be officially finalized and that step of the journey will be done.
One would think we might be used to so much waiting, but it never gets easier. The only comfort is trusting in His timing and His plan. Without that I have no doubt I would have gone insane by now. It is hard, indescribably hard, when in your heart you know you have children who are not yet home. Children who I have yet to meet and I still love with all my heart just as I love the two girls I have the privilege of mommy-ing every day - from good morning hugs to goodnight kisses and every moment in between. I pray for them - all my children - every day. Pray they know they are loved, pray God uses them for His glory, pray for their safety and health. I pray.
After a summer of little progress and continued wait, we've prayerfully decided to make a change in adoption agencies. Our current agency will still be used to finalize the home study, and will likely be used for post-placement services as well. However, with the loss of several staff members and merging with another agency coupled with the fact that no agency in Minnesota has a program for adoptions from the Dominican Republic, we will be (hopefully) finishing the journey to bring our kiddos home with a 2nd agency out of Alabama. To the best of our knowledge, Lifeline Christian Services has been a part of most (if not all) adoptions to the U.S. from the Dominican Republic.
We've known about Lifeline since the beginning of our adoption journey, before we even applied to our local agency for the home study. Involving Lifeline has been a possibility since the beginning, but we knew at a minimum we needed an Minnesota agency to complete our home study and we had hoped to only need one agency in this journey.
God has been with us in every step of the process, and He has revealed His presence at times when I've needed the encouragement most. After a summer of a series of delays for a variety of reasons, earlier this week I began to allow the worry and frustration to get the best of me. As a teacher, the end of summer means gearing up for a new school year and I was really hoping to have the loose ends for finalizing the home study taken care of before returning to school. I had sent several emails to our MN agency and we still seemed to be stuck in "limbo land".
Yesterday, my worry and frustrations were peaking and I felt like I was running in circles. Nerves were high and I began to pray. Lord, YOU know the plans you have for me and my family - help me to have peace in this waiting. I prayed. I cried. I prayed some more. Then, I checked the mail. In the mail was a letter informing us our current agency would be merging with another MN agency. This news hit me like a punch in the gut. My gut reaction was "more waiting". I let Ben know the news and prayed some more.
Prayers led to a need to call my mom. I wasn't expecting her to have any answers or fixes, but I knew she could listen with a social worker perspective to what we were dealing with. Thanks mom, for being a listening ear and great encouragement.
By the time I hung up with my mom, I had also gotten a text from Ben giving me the go ahead to contact Lifeline. We were both in agreement it was time to involve an agency who knows the ins and outs of the process of adopting from the Dominican Republic. While we appreciate the help our social worker (who is now retired) gave us during our home study, we felt like God was giving us a very clear message to make a change. It was time to call Lifeline.
The phone rang and eventually went to voice mail, so I decided to send an email rather than a long message over the phone. I clicked "send" and within seconds got an automatic reply that they Lifeline contact was out of the country on a work related trip. OK, God. We will continue to wait.
Yesterday evening, as Ben and I were sharing in each other's frustrations and worries in the wait, we heard the ping of an email notification. Turns out, it was Lifeline responding to our email from abroad. They are excited to work with us and asked us to apply even before the home study is finalized so they can help to review it and make sure elements specific to the Dominican Republic are included. Suddenly all the wait of this summer became clearer. Not having a finalized home study is turning out to be a GOOD thing. God - thank you for opening my eyes to this.
So, after a summer of waiting, this evening we've submitted our application with Lifeline. Yes, now we wait again. However, now we wait with encouragement and anticipation.
Lord, thank you for your undeniable presence in this adoption journey...
Monday, June 30, 2014
Trust
My last post was nearly four months ago. The me four months ago thought we would be getting our completed, written home study very soon and we could move on to stage 2: applying to U.S. Immigration to find our family fit to adopt. We had just finished our third and final home study meeting and all that was left was for our social worker to write the study. We were breathing a big sigh of relief for completing all the requirements, despite life circumstances which delayed progress. I thought to myself: now the short wait should be easy and we'll be mailing our I-800A in no time - leaving summer to get our biometric fingerprints and hopefully be sending our dossier to the DR by fall/early winter.That was MY plan, but God had a different timeline. Two weeks later we got a phone call while we were reading a bedtime story to the girls. I didn't recognize the number, and was reluctant to answer and interrupt our bedtime routine. A still, small voice told me to answer anyway and also told me not to worry about the topic of the conversation. I answered the phone while Ben and the girls sat by my side on our couch. It was our social worker calling to tell us she was retiring early and would not be able to finish writing our home study. We knew she was planning on retiring at the end of May, but she had said she would have the study written before then. Unfortunately, she had fallen and broken her arms and was retiring 6 weeks earlier - leaving us with an unfinished study, thus stuck in "limbo" while our file was transferred to a new social worker who would attempt to write the study based off of our original social workers notes.
I remember my heart sinking from this news. I knew it would mean another delay in the adoption progress. Then, I remembered the voice that caused me to answer the phone call and not to worry. My worry quickly disappeared and, while it was not the news I had planned, I knew I could trust in God's timing in all of this.
As any adoptive or prospective adoptive parent knows, well-meaning people will often ask how the adoption is going. This question, with the best of intentions, can be agonizing when no progress is being made. As this question came up, I shared with close friends and family our situation with a new social worker (which in turn meant somewhat new requirements and more waiting). Many told me I should be angry, others said how unfortunate that was, others expressed their disappointment. Normally I would have been discouraged, but I knew God's plans were for good and all I could do was to trust in His timing according to His plan.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~Jeremiah 29:11
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
~Isaiah 40:31
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and we continued to trust in God's plan for our family. I will be the first to admit, this is easier said than done as the days pass by with no apparent progress being made. It is hard not to give into worry and doubt, but God has had a way through every step of this adoption to show up in unexpected ways.
June rolled around and summer break had begun. The summer break I had planned would be post home study finalization and yet we were still waiting for progress. Just as I was beginning to worry and doubt God stepped in through a Facebook message. It was from our Student Ministry Pastor form our church who was organizing the itinerary for two women who were coming to visit from our sister church in the Dominican Republic. He wanted to connect them with Spanish speakers and asked if we would be willing to host them for dinner one of the nights they were here.
That FB message came shortly after I had been praying and asking for ways to make connections down in the DR before it came time to travel. What an amazing answer to prayer it was! We were blessed to spend the evening with two sweet women from Iglesia Central and our girls have not stopped talking about them since that evening - how they can't wait to go to the DR to see them again. It makes my heart so glad hearing the excitement in their voices.
OK God, you never cease to amaze me with Your plan for us. I will continue to wait on Your timing.
While we've waited these past four months we also applied for the girls' passports and have gotten them in the mail in no time at all. We decided we may as well take care of other "loose ends" while we waited.
Just last week, we got an email from our new social worker informing us she had reviewed our file and the completion of her new requirements and was ready to move toward finalizing the home study. The email said "you will get a draft very soon". While I would love for very soon to be today, in the meantime we will continue to wait and trust in God's timing through this adoption adventure.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.
~Psalm 28:7
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