Making progress

It is so exciting to be at a stage where we seem to be making new progress towards the adoption often! 

A week ago, as I was coming home from a weekend training for work, I stopped at the mailbox to find our adoption agency had approved our initial application and a packet full of forms to begin the home study process.  It is both thrilling and overwhelming as we work through the countless pages, but I am grateful to be making progress.

Monday, I found a website that allows families who are adopting to set up a T-shirt store where every T-shirt we sell earns us a commission to help fund our adoption.  I emailed for an application and less than a week later our site is now live :) We've added the widget on the right side of the blog, or the direct link for that is: www.adoptionbug.com/reillyadventure.

We were also blessed this week with a large monetary gift to help bring our kiddos home and that was unexpected, but also a big answer to prayer.  It is such an overwhelming blessing to see how God is meeting us every step of the way through this whole process.

God has been and continues to be a big presence in this entire adoption adventure and I feel privileged to be a part of it.  I am so looking forward to the day our family grows beyond our current size of a family of four!

Peace

Bear with me through this post... One of the biggest reasons I began this blog was to record this adoption adventure so that we as a family can look back and remember each step of the way.  Yes, I also use the blog to share, but it also allows a means to process and record the adventure for myself. 

So, tonight I had quite an emotional break through.  The last couple weeks I've been worried about just how we were going to afford to bring our kiddos home - this has been a worry from the start, but it has been particularly pressing recently.  I've spent many a nights researching grants, loans, fundraising ideas and then processing them all in my head when I should probably be sleeping. 

Unfortunately worry can lead to doubt and doubt has led to a fear this adoption will not ever happen because we simply cannot afford it on our own.  How on earth will we be able to afford the fees that surmount to well over a year's salary, not to mention me taking a year off of work to literally move to the Dominican Republic until the adoption is finalized?  How will we afford the housing down there on top of our mortgage up here?  How will we afford for Ben to go back and forth between the U.S. and the D.R. so he can continue to work and yet also see his family? How? How? How?

I have literally been losing sleep as these questions and so many more rattle through my head.

But, I've also been praying and asking others to pray for us too.

Tonight brought our usual Wednesday night routine, which just so happened to include my women's Bible study group which we've been reading the book "Lord, Give me a heart for You" by Kay Arthur.  As I drove to church I continued to pray and this time I truly cast my worries on Him.

"God, we cannot do this adoption on our own.  God, give us the wisdom and discernment as we raise the funds we will need to bring our kiddos home.  God, please, calm my heart - give me a heart for YOU."

The prayer request sheet was passed around at the beginning and I wrote my prayer on the paper and thought that was that.  Class started and I began to delve into our study.  Time to focus, Jessica, I told myself - stop worrying about the adoption and just enjoy the class.

We've been studying 2 Corinthians and it has been a profound experience to study during the week and then get to discuss with my fellow sisters in Christ each Wednesday.  Tonight, especially so.

God used tonight's discussion to speak to me and give me an incredible peace.  As the time passed, words were jumping out from the paper to me in a way I had overlooked before.  By the time we were nearing the end of class I was doing my best to fight back tears and ultimately I just had to share what I was experiencing out loud. 

I knew I would cry and didn't know how to put into words the peace God was giving me, but I simply had to share.  Now, I really do not like to cry in front of anyone else.  These were not tears of sadness, but utter peace.  Peace that God is with us in this adoption adventure every step of the way.

Tonight's class was discussing what Paul wrote about giving.  This adoption may not be what I generally think of as giving, but the principles Paul outlined in 2 Corinthians 9 allowed God to answer my prayers and calm my anxious heart.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed." 2 Corinthians 9:8

What an awesome peace this verse gives me!  God will meet us, supplying what we need in order to adopt.

God already has met us on this adventure and there is not a doubt in my mind that He will continue to meet us and supply what we need to bring our kiddos home.
God met us when we needed to buy a larger house to grow our family.  A house that was better than we had imagined we could afford.

God met us even through the Sleepy Eye nightmare, providing the funds and labor we needed to get the repairs down without going bankrupt and He met us again with reliable renters once the repairs were finished.

God met us through our tax refund this year so we can begin our home study.

God met us when we were able to get a response back so quickly from the law firm in the D.R.

God met us.  God is meeting us. God will continue to meet us.

After I blubbered my way through sharing with the women in my Bible study tonight, God met me through prayer.  Our group leader closed class praying for Ben and me and her prayer reiterated what Ben and I had just been saying to each other last night: We cannot do this on our own.  The difference tonight was how this statement was now a positive, and not feeling like an impossibility.

Last night as Ben and I were talking about the insane amount of money this adoption adventure will take we realized we simply cannot do it on our own and it felt like a barrier.  Tonight, I still know we cannot do this on our own, but what an awesome testimony this is!  What a peace it is to know we cannot do this on our own, because it can only happen with God and He WILL provide.  Thank you, GOD!

What a privilege it is to be on this adoption adventure.

Hope

Last Thursday we oficially mailed of our "Request for Services" (aka application) with Hope Adoption Services to get started on at least our home study portion of the U.S. side of the adoption.  Both Ben and I can't help but feel like the name of the adoption agency is quite fitting. 

You see, when we first started researching adoptions in the Dominican Republic we found a home study only agency we had planned to use since there were no agencies near us that handled adoptions from the Dominican Republic.  However, 14 months later when we called them again to actually apply we were informed they are no longer doing international home studies.  What?!  We thought we had this portion of the adoption adventure already determined and here we were back to square one.

This prompted a series of phone calls, emails, research into countless other adoption agencies local to us.  Pretty much every one of them had the same answer: "We can only do the home study if you are going through one of the countries we already have a program for."  Agency after agency seemed like a dead end.  And then there was Hope.

Hope emailed back after my mom had contacted them for us (she has worked as a county adoption social worker for as long as I can remember).  They told us they would be looking into it and asked me to give them a call.  I called them on Good Friday and it was clear she had been researching Dominican Republic adoptions and knew the same story we did: their adoptions are not "like other countries" and it is common to go straight through the law firm down there.  We had a great conversation and she said they would be willing to help us fulfill our U.S. end of the adoption while coordinating with the Dominican lawyers. 

An agency that was willing to work with us through a program they didn't previously have truly gave us that glimmer of hope.  On top of that, my mom knows them to be a respectable agency and true to their agreements.

So, after our Dominican conference call and continued prayer, Thursday we reached the point of mailing out that "Request for Services" to begin the home study phase.  Thank you, Lord, for hope - in so many senses of that word.

Conference Call

Today we had our first phone conversation with the lawyer in the Dominican Republic.  Ben and I both had butterflies as we waited for the call.  It was definitely a day of excitement, (temporary) let down and then excitement again.

The call was schedule to be at 3:00pm.  Ben took off early from work to meet me at my work so we'd be together for the call, but not driving all the way home only to have to head back north to pick up our girlies.  He arrived at 2:45 and we were both giddy with excitement.  We knew it would be a longish 15 minutes as we awaited the call.  About 5 minutes before 3:00 I confessed to Ben I was scared the call would not come and we would continue in "limbo land".
Three o'clock came and the phone did not ring.  We decided to wait together until 3:30 when we would have to split up in order for each of us to pick up the kiddos - one from school and one from daycare.

Each. Minute. Passed. So. Slowly. as we waited for a call to come.  When it got to 3:20 I decided to email the lawyer to verify she would be calling us and that she wasn't waiting for us to call her.  Not that I was really expecting a reply, but I figured at least we'd cover our bases.  We continued to wait 10 more minutes before Ben would have to leave in order to get to Shannon's school on time.

3:30 came and we regretably parted ways without a conference call.  My fear of no phone call this afternoon seemed to be true.  I got in my car, doing my best to fight the tears but they still came.  With the tears, came prayer. 

Why God?  Wait, I don't need to know why, but please, God, give me peace.  Help me to accept the absence of the phone call.

No sooner was my prayer over (and Ben out of sight so I couldn't wave him down) when my phone rang.  Sure enough, it was our lawyer apologizing for the delay but asking if now was still a good time.  I explained I could talk, but unfortunately my husband had just left to pick up our daughter from school.

Time for another prayer.  God, I really wish Ben was here for the call too.  Then I looked in my rearview mirror and Ben was right behind me.  I pulled over, he got the clue and we were able to have the conference call together.

What an awesome experience to have prayers answered so quickly!  Our conference call revealed we've done our research well.  There were no major surprises and we are excited to soon start our adoption study and get the ball rolling on the U.S. side of this adoption adventure.

I looked forward to this afternoon since it was first scheduled and ran through what the phone call might be like in my head over and over.  I was prepared for that part.  What I was not prepared for was God's clear and direct answer to prayer and a glimpse into His plan for this adoption adventure.  Prayers were answered and God has given me a renewed peace that He is in control.  This afternoon had us wait, but He still answered our prayers.  I know there will definitely be more times of waiting ahead of us, but I know God is in control and He will answer our prayers.  This adoption will happen in His timing and I am so excited to be a part of it.

A letter to my children

Dear Sweet Children of mine,

Two of you I am already blessed to be your mom.  Blessed to hold you in my arms, to disciple you, to listen to your joys, heartbreak, and everything in between.  Blessed to be a part of your everyday adventure on this thing called life.

For my children I have yet to meet, my heart already holds a special place for you.  I hope someday to tell you how much I have dreamt, prayed and hoped for you.  I cannot wait for the day you will join our family.

To my Shannon,
You are the one who first made me a mom.  No one can ever take that place.  Your arrival into this world has changed my life beyond my wildest dreams and I have a hard time remembering what life was like before being your mommy.

You made your great big entrance into this world one month before your expected due date.  You have truly taught us to understand life does not always go as planned, but God's plan is so much better.  Just when I think I'm figuring you out, you throw me another twist and keep me on my toes.

You have a mind that is scary smart and I cannot count the times I have simply had to stand back in awe of what you are capable of.  You are so much more than "book smart".  Sometimes I think you are too smart for your own good and I can see you struggle with how to deal with knowing more than you might be emotionally ready for.  You have an uncanny way of seeing how things connect to one another and your heart for God is making you wise beyond your years (all 5 - almost 6 - years you've been on this earth).

You are beautiful, my sweet Nannon Bug.  Your beauty does not just come from your physical appearance.  You have a beautiful mind and heart.  So many times you have wanted to use your own money or resources to help others.  From making cards "just because", to emptying most of your piggy bank to help a Children's Hospital in Africa and then having to fight back the tears because you "wished you had more to give", to offering to give your allowance to the adoption fund to bring your future brothers or sisters home - your little heart cares so much.

I will never forget the drive last summer when we had the "just so you know" why you were talking during your nap time conversation.  I was fully expecting you to tell me something along the lines of your dolly needing you or having troubles sleeping.  Nothing prepared me for the conversation we had where you told me you were talking because you were asking Jesus into your heart.

Your heart for God has strengthened my own faith.  So often, we grown ups think we are the ones who need to teach the kids.  Time and time again, you have taught me how to have faith like a child and I pray your faith continues to grow and I am so excited to see all that God has in store for you.

To my Amelia,
You have a joy for life more than anyone else I know.  Your smile is infectious and has a unique way of melting away any "rainy day".  You can find utter delight in the simplest of things and you have taught me not to overlook the small blessings in life.

You have so much personality couped up into your tiny little body.  So often you are so full of joy your little feet hardly touch the ground - you simply flutter across the room.  You smile with your whole body and my heart melts every time I see it.  Countless mornings I've woken you up to be greeted with a grin from ear to ear and hear you declare with pure elation "I had good dreams!"

You even take great joy in simply sharing a snuggle with those you love.  Sometimes you will come to me and say "Mom, I just need to give you a hug."  Your snuggles share your joy, your love, your heart.

But beyond your joy comes a capacity for empathy of others.  You hear others beyond their words.  You have a particular way of feeling what they are saying.  When your grandma told you a story of me, your mommy, being scared as a little girl you responded as if you were there.  Your face scrunched and your voice trembled as you imagined the fear and for weeks after you kept telling me how "Mommy, you were scared and I helped make you feel better".  It took me a long time to convince you that story happened before you were born.

You wear your emotions on your face and some moments I simply sit back and watch you talk to me with such passion and expression.  You are my passionate child.  I pray your passionate personality allows you to have a passion for God that is as infectious as your smile. 

To my future babes,
I may not know who you are yet, but God is already bringing us together.  I wonder, do you feel my prayers for you?  My heart is bursting with love for you and I haven't even met you.  How is it possible to love you so much already?

I dream of the day I will be able to recount moments, memories, life together.  For now, I am revelling in each step we make towards growing our family to include you.  Your two sisters have changed my life in such indescribably awesome, yet incredibly unique ways.  I can only imagine what my life will be like once you join our adventure as a family.

Tonight, I am counting the hours until our conference call with the adoption lawyers on Friday afternoon.  I know God has a plan for our family and He will provide the resources we need to bring us all together. For now sweet babes, I will continue to dream, pray and hope for you.

To all my children,
I love you, I love you, I love you.

Mom