Dear Sweet Children of mine,
Two of you I am already blessed to be your mom. Blessed to hold you in my arms, to disciple you, to listen to your joys, heartbreak, and everything in between. Blessed to be a part of your everyday adventure on this thing called life.
For my children I have yet to meet, my heart already holds a special place for you. I hope someday to tell you how much I have dreamt, prayed and hoped for you. I cannot wait for the day you will join our family.
To my Shannon,
You are the one who first made me a mom. No one can ever take that place. Your arrival into this world has changed my life beyond my wildest dreams and I have a hard time remembering what life was like before being your mommy.
You made your great big entrance into this world one month before your expected due date. You have truly taught us to understand life does not always go as planned, but God's plan is so much better. Just when I think I'm figuring you out, you throw me another twist and keep me on my toes.
You have a mind that is scary smart and I cannot count the times I have simply had to stand back in awe of what you are capable of. You are so much more than "book smart". Sometimes I think you are too smart for your own good and I can see you struggle with how to deal with knowing more than you might be emotionally ready for. You have an uncanny way of seeing how things connect to one another and your heart for God is making you wise beyond your years (all 5 - almost 6 - years you've been on this earth).
You are beautiful, my sweet Nannon Bug. Your beauty does not just come from your physical appearance. You have a beautiful mind and heart. So many times you have wanted to use your own money or resources to help others. From making cards "just because", to emptying most of your piggy bank to help a Children's Hospital in Africa and then having to fight back the tears because you "wished you had more to give", to offering to give your allowance to the adoption fund to bring your future brothers or sisters home - your little heart cares so much.
I will never forget the drive last summer when we had the "just so you know" why you were talking during your nap time conversation. I was fully expecting you to tell me something along the lines of your dolly needing you or having troubles sleeping. Nothing prepared me for the conversation we had where you told me you were talking because you were asking Jesus into your heart.
Your heart for God has strengthened my own faith. So often, we grown ups think we are the ones who need to teach the kids. Time and time again, you have taught me how to have faith like a child and I pray your faith continues to grow and I am so excited to see all that God has in store for you.
To my Amelia,
You have a joy for life more than anyone else I know. Your smile is infectious and has a unique way of melting away any "rainy day". You can find utter delight in the simplest of things and you have taught me not to overlook the small blessings in life.
You have so much personality couped up into your tiny little body. So often you are so full of joy your little feet hardly touch the ground - you simply flutter across the room. You smile with your whole body and my heart melts every time I see it. Countless mornings I've woken you up to be greeted with a grin from ear to ear and hear you declare with pure elation "I had good dreams!"
You even take great joy in simply sharing a snuggle with those you love. Sometimes you will come to me and say "Mom, I just need to give you a hug." Your snuggles share your joy, your love, your heart.
But beyond your joy comes a capacity for empathy of others. You hear others beyond their words. You have a particular way of feeling what they are saying. When your grandma told you a story of me, your mommy, being scared as a little girl you responded as if you were there. Your face scrunched and your voice trembled as you imagined the fear and for weeks after you kept telling me how "Mommy, you were scared and I helped make you feel better". It took me a long time to convince you that story happened before you were born.
You wear your emotions on your face and some moments I simply sit back and watch you talk to me with such passion and expression. You are my passionate child. I pray your passionate personality allows you to have a passion for God that is as infectious as your smile.
To my future babes,
I may not know who you are yet, but God is already bringing us together. I wonder, do you feel my prayers for you? My heart is bursting with love for you and I haven't even met you. How is it possible to love you so much already?
I dream of the day I will be able to recount moments, memories, life together. For now, I am revelling in each step we make towards growing our family to include you. Your two sisters have changed my life in such indescribably awesome, yet incredibly unique ways. I can only imagine what my life will be like once you join our adventure as a family.
Tonight, I am counting the hours until our conference call with the adoption lawyers on Friday afternoon. I know God has a plan for our family and He will provide the resources we need to bring us all together. For now sweet babes, I will continue to dream, pray and hope for you.
To all my children,
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Mom
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