Mended

It's been a little while since my last post back in April.  I am happy to say things are progressing for our adoption and the director delay with CONANI in the Dominican Republic seems to have come and gone.  It is always very humbling to read through my older posts and be reminded where my heart was at that point in time.  Creating this blog was an intentional attempt at recording the many emotions and steps along our adoption adventure.  In some ways it was meant to parallel the journals I wrote to my two daughters while I was pregnant with them and it also has served as a way to update family and friends who have been praying for and supporting us along the way.

The other day I was driving and listening to the radio when Mended by Matthew West came on:

My heart immediately began to reflect on our future children.  Earlier that day I was talking with our oldest daughter about how beautiful adoption is, but that it also involves loss for the child.  I was trying to help both her and her sister to understand why it will be difficult for their future siblings when we welcome them into our family.  I've written about how overwhelming it can be when I think about what my children who I have yet to love on have gone through in the past, but this song tugged at my heart for the hope I have for them.

How many times can one heart break?
It was never supposed to be this way
Look in the mirror, but you find someone you never thought you'd be

Oh, but I can still recognize
The one I love in your tear stained eyes
I know you might not see him now, so lift your eyes to me

My heart continues to break time and time again in this adoption journey and I know it will break countless more times, but each and every time I can lift my eyes to Him and he sustains me.

When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
When you see too far gone
I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I'm not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended

We've experience unfathomable support along the way, but we've also heard nay-sayers who have used the very words in these lyrics: "broken beyond repair", "nothing but damaged goods".  I believe with every fiber in my being that God has great plans for my family and my children - ALL of my children.  I too see healing beyond belief and something good in the making.  I hope for the day I can be a part of mending broken hearts.  The song later continues...

I see my child, my beloved
The new creation you're becoming
You see the scars from when you fell
But I see the stories they will tell

You see worthless, I see priceless
You see pain, but I see a purpose
You see unworthy, undeserving
But I see you through the eyes of mercy

This song speaks to my heart, not only about my future children, but also when I think of myself, my husband and my current children.  I am so grateful God is not finished with us yet.

I'm not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended

Yesterday, in a teacher's professional development, we were asked what super power we wish we could have.  After thinking about my answer for a little bit, I came to wishing for the power to heal broken hearts.  One of the things teaching has taught me is how a little bit of kindness can go a long way in a broken heart.  I hope God is able to use me to mend the hearts of my precious children.  I am so blessed He is the greatest Healer.

Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.

~Psalm 55:22

He heals the brokenhearted
    and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3